Dissidia 012: A random life of Madness
by Apprentice To Fantasy
Summary: What happens when Cosmos and Chaos send their warriors to live regular lives? Hilarious adventures happen! Watch as the warrior accidentally reek havoc on modern day society! Xover with random Anime and Games!
1. Chapter 1: Let the madness begin!

Disclaimer: I don't own Dissidia or Final Fantasy, they belong to Squareenix. If I did, I wouldn't be poor.

* * *

><p>There's just a bunch of crack and hilarity in this story. OCS and characters from other series will appear. There will be random character bashing in the story.<p>

Chapter 1: Let the madness begin!

In the world of conflict, the warriors of Cosmos and Chaos were planning their next attack on each other like they did every day. At first they were used to them, but after awhile it got annoying every time there was a meeting. Well, at least until Cosmos and Chaos looked liked they had something to say for both sides.

"My warriors" Chaos began happily, which was weird to all the warriors, "We have an answer to your request to end the conflict."

The news was happily greeted to the warriors, quite some time ago when they wanted a faster way to end the conflict for obvious reasons; it was only now that Chaos and Cosmos finally answered it.

"Well, what is the answer?" Tidus asked.

Chaos and Cosmos looked at each other before looking at their warriors.

"Well, we decided to start…normal lives." Cosmos answered.

All the warriors, both Cosmos and Chaos, looked at Cosmos for a good five seconds before, "WHAT!"

"NORMAL LIVES! You've got to be *deleted word* kidding me! No way in hell I'm going for normal lives to settle some pointless war!" Lightning cried out in fury.

"SILENCE, BITCH!" Chaos threw a fresh fireball at Lightning, which burnt her ashes, much to Cosmos' displeasure. "Anyway, before we interrupted by a certain pinkette, we decided to just screw it all and just go straight to normal lives. Plain and simple, no?"

All the warriors were dumbfounded at the thought of them living normal lives, some wanted to protest, but remembering what happen to Lightning a few moments ago, they decided not to, expect for, "WHAT! Normal lives? That's no fun! I want to destroy things, not start a normal life!" Complained a certain clown.

"QUIET YOU!" Shouted Chaos in fury as he fires Soul of Oblivion at Kefka, who soon became ashes, much to Terra's relief. "Anyway, this answer is the best because of the fact I've…um, well…"

"He's been losing all of his gil gambling." Cosmos finished for Chaos, much to his embarrassment.

"Chaos gambles?" Laguna and Gabranth asked simultaneously, surprised as the rest of the warriors minus Kefka and Lightning.

"Yes, and a lot," Cosmos continued to inform them, "He's been losing it all to some kid named Shinji, whoever that is."

"How would you know?" asked Kefka, who revived seconds after the information was spoken much to the warrior's surprise and Terra's dismay.

"WHAT THE-? HOW DID YOU JUST?" Vaan babbled at Kefka, wide eyed and surprised as the rest of the warriors were.

"Ask Cosy, pretty boy." Kefka deadpanned, which was weird.

Everyone turned to Cosmos immediately, to find her busy playing on a PSP she got from god knows where.

"So, what to do when we start our normal lives?" Squall asked with little interest.

"Well, we do need money." Chaos mentioned, when he remembered how he lost it all. '_**One day, Shinji, one day...I will have my revenge!**_'

"I see. Now we know what to do when we go to new lives." Said Golbez, as he was in a thinker position.

"What is it, brother?" Cecil asked, curious as the rest as the warriors were.

"We have to…" Golbez paused in mid-sentence leaving the warriors in suspense, "…Look for a job."

"A job?" Yuna asked, confused as to what it was. Chaos then pulled out a large pile of papers and said," Yep, a job. And we have papers to get you guys all set such as resumés, birth certificates, biodatas, licenses, diplomas, and all that."

"Are you serious? You want us all to work like commoners!" Mateus cried in rage as his papers were handed to him.

"What's to be afraid of?" Sephiroth asked as he got his papers, "We were working for Chaos."

Kefka, who soon got his papers, was quick to taunt Mateus, " Aw, empy-wempy is afrwaid of getting powished and cwolored nails soiled! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Mateus then got nova-pissed at Kefka and assaulted him with an insane amount of dreary cells and flares, leaving Kefka an unrecognizable mess to those who laid eyes on him. Everyone ignored the clown's whimpers and groans of pain.

Warrior of Light approached Chaos and Cosmos after he glanced at his papers, "Where did you get all of this information?"

Vaan, Laguna, Tifa and Jecht sauntered over and took a look, "They most likely made up the information on and had these papers forged." Laguna inquired.

"Hmmph, Forgeries, "Mateus replied, obviously unamused, "What sort of jobs do the gods have planned for us?"

Gilgamesh took a look at his papers, "It seems we can get a job in any field we want."

Lightning, who was revived after Kefka, narrowed her eyes, "And just how the hell would you know about the different fields of study?"

Gilgamesh turned to the pinkette, "Are you underestimating the legendary Gilgamesh?"

"And what if I am, you samurai reject?" Lightning replied angrily.

"*GASP* YOU TAKE THAT BACK, PRINCESS PINKASAURUS!" Gilgamesh replied just as angry.

"Make me, you panty thief!" Lightning barked furiously.

Garland and Warrior of Light rolled their eyes as Lighting whipped out her Gunblade, while Gilgamesh got into fighting position. They were about to go at it until Squall, Cloud, Tidus and Bartz got in between and stopped them.

"Don't misinterpret our actions," Cosmos said as she and Chaos examined their warriors, "We're only doing this for your own good."

Sephiroth paid the gods no heed as he walked towards Golbez. Kain examined his paper and asked, "So you want us to go and work for a few months, years even, huh?"

"Yes." Cosmos and Chaos answered bluntly.

"I have no need for money," Exdeath stated, gaining the attention of the other warriors, "All I require is the power of the Void, nothing less than that."

"The same goes for us," Cloud of Darkness replied.

Chaos took a good look at the Void wielders and said, "You have no choice, we already have you signed all you a leave."

"And your point being?" Exdeath asked.

"Simple. If any of you dare to decline our generous offer, you'll have to face a very angry God of Discord and Goddess of Harmony."

There was a short silence from both sides as the warriors stared at the Gods. "Are you threatening us?" Lightning and CoD asked simultaneously.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Chaos burst out laughing before saying, "I don't make threats."

They stared at Chaos, not sure if to laugh or take him seriously, until Chaos and Cosmos flashed a glare with the fury of ten thousand hells and heavens and said, "WE DON'T MAKE THREATS! GET YOUR LAZY ASSES IN MOTHER*deleted word*ING GEAR AND GET A JOB!"

All the warriors who got the *deleted word* scared out of them nodded in response while the others either kept their cool or a straight face on them.

"Okay then!" Chaos said in a happy tone of voice, "Well, see ya in a few years!"

The warriors of Cosmos were dismissed in a pillar of light while the warriors of Chaos were dismissed in a pillar of flames.

And so begins the madness…

* * *

><p>Like I said earlier, just a bunch of random *deleted word*. R&amp;R if you got any good idea of jobs fitted for the warriors of Cosmos and warriors of Chaos. Inform me anyway you like to inform me. And this story was inspired after reading a bit of sin2cos21's Dissidia fan fiction, so I decided to make my version of it.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2:Employment and Chaos d1 p1

Disclaimer: I don't own Dissidia or Final Fantasy, they belong to Squareenix. If I did, I wouldn't be poor. WARNING: X-overs start on this page! I repeat; X-overs start on this page! I don't own the anime or game characters crossing over!

There's just a bunch of crack and hilarity in this story. OCS and characters from other series will appear. There will be random character bashing in the story.

* * *

><p>Chapter 2: Employment and Chaos p1 (Cloud, Lightning, Kefka, Jecht, Kain, and Sephiroth)<p>

It was rush hour in the big, cars, trucks and vans were going in different direction towards their way to their destinations. There were also some idiotic speeders who were quickly arrested.

Even during the height of said frenzy, order must still be maintained and the law must be upheld. This is where the police come in. Yet despite of their honorable efforts, the amount of work was starting to overwhelm them. What they need was muscle. No, a soldier! Thus the sign, or signs, they were looking for was just right outside. Outside were a certain Chocobo head, pinkette, and lion. His blue eyes carefully examined the requirements and took out the papers necessary. He had no doubt he would be accepted, so he marched in without hesitation. The lion looked at the requirements and marched in with the Chocobo head and took the papers needed. The pinkette just marched in after them, knowing she'll get accepted as well.

They looked around, the receptionist was directly in front them but there was also a _**huge**_ line of applicants. Squall and Lightning weren't the type for lines, so they decided to "shorten" the line a bit. But the Cloud head stopped them and send a glare towards them that convinced them to wait in line.

_**Two hours later...**_

While Cloud was patiently waiting in line, Squall and Lightning looked ready to explode, completely red from top to bottom. They decided to wait a little longer because of the fact they were just three people away from the receptionist. But, as fate had decided to toy with them, some random idiot ran past the line and cut right in front of them! Lightning and Squall saw the whole event happen, which cause them to lose it.

"TO HELL WITH THIS!" they both shouted out of pure rage and decided to mess the place up a bit and teach them a lesson. Squall took out his Gunblade and unleashed an insane amount of Fated Circles, Revolver Drives, Blasting Zones, and Rough Divides on the poor applicants with a crazed look on his face. Lighting did the same as she unleashed an incredible amount of Razor Gales, Lighting Strikes, Crushing Blows, and Thunder falls on them with a wicked look on her face. People screamed and ran away from the rage crazed duo as they went berserk on the applicants who trying to run away from them.

_**Two hour later…**_

Squall and Lightning finally cooled down as they proudly strolled to the front of the line where Cloud was shaking his disappointingly at the duo as he waited the single applicant had been spared of the chaos. Amazingly, neither applicant nor reception noticed what the duo had just done.

"Well, it looks like all of your requirements are here." He handed him a piece of paper, "Go straight to the academy there and show them this so you can enroll there. Well, see ya in the force."

The man looked very pleased, but when turned around and saw the massacre, he looked at Cloud who was pointing his thumb at Squall and Lightning, who were whistling 'innocently'. He soon left in a hurry with a paled look on his face.

"What's with him?" Squall and Lightning asked simultaneously to no one in particular. Cloud pinched the bridge of his nose, suppressing a headache from coming as he mumbled, "Why do I deal with this every time this happens ...?"

Cloud then turned his attention to the receptionist, who standing there with a smile on his face.

Cloud walked up to the receptionist and stated, "I'm here to apply for a job."

"Of course, sir. Let me see your papers, please."

Cloud handed his papers to the receptionist, who examined and handed him a few more papers, "I'll need you to fill these up, please."

Cloud grabbed the papers and walked towards a nearby table to fill them out.

_**Five minutes later…**_

He silently filled them up with no problem at all. At least until he heard the receptionist scream, "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!"

Cloud soon felt a headache coming up as he looked up to see Lightning strangling the receptionist with a demonic look on her face while Squall ignored his cries for help as he filled out his papers.

Cloud then separated Lightning from the receptionist and calm her down as he asked, "What do you think you doing, Lightning?"

Lightning send a glare towards the reception, who then cringed and crawled towards a corner, and looked at Cloud before telling him what happened.

"So, when you went to get your papers, he handed them to you and fondled you at the last second?"

"YES! THAT LITTLE PERV NEEDS TO DIE!"

"I doubt he did that on purpose…" Squall replied.

"SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS, SQUALL!"

"What's going on here!" an authoritative voice asked.

They all turned to see two police officers step inside the room. He had short gray hair, gray eyes and a band-aid above his left eye.

"Who the hell are you suppose to be?" Lightning asked, still sending glares at the receptionist.

The police officer said," I'm the one asking questions! Who are you three?"

"I'm Cloud Strife."

"Lightning Farron"

"Squall Leonhart."

"We're all applicants," he gestured towards the helpless receptionist who was in Lightning's grasp, "I'm currently trying to stop my friend from killing the receptionist. _Soldier _Style, at that."

"So…you're all applicants?"

"Yeah. Pretty much." Cloud replied bluntly.

The police officer observed the completely broken maxi glass Lightning had broken with her bare hands, and the horrified face on the receptionist's face. He then looked at the officer behind him and shouted, "Officer Uindo! Get these people uniforms! On the double! Stat!"

Lightning dropped the receptionist, who soon crawled away from her, and showed a pleased look on her face. Cloud was gaping at how simple it was to get a job. Squall scoffed and said, "I have no need for small jobs like that."

The Officer went over to Squall and examined his papers before shouting, "Officer Uindo! Call the military! They're going to like this guy!" Said Officer that returned with uniforms for Cloud and Lightning, had headed for the phone.

The Officer clapped them on their backs and said, "You two start tomorrow at seven A.M sharp! By the way, name's Akihiko Sanada!

They nodded and walked away. As they did, they saw a large camouflage car parked outside with people in matching camouflage uniforms charging in the building.

'_**That must be this world's military.'**_ Cloud thought,_**' I wonder how the others are doing…'**_

Elsewhere on the other side of town…

* * *

><p>A random ringmaster examined the person in front of him; to him he looked exactly like a clown from top to bottom. Now all the clown needs was talent to entertain the audience.<p>

'_**What the heck,'**_ the ringmaster thought, _**'If he walked across town to join us looking like a clown, I might as well let him.'**_

"You hired, Mr.…umm"

"Kefka Palazzo" Kefka replied.

"Alright then, Mr. Kefka! I just need to see a demonstration of you skills."

Kefka grinned maniacally, "Don't worry pal. I'll _bring_ _the house down_ when you see my _skills_."

The poor ringmaster doesn't even know what he's got himself into…

* * *

><p>Elsewhere back on the other side of town…<p>

Jecht strode down the halls of the city high school, where he had easily earned a job. While he walked towards the double doors, he heard a big boom from somewhere. He looked out the window to see a large cloud of flames and smoke coming from the other side of town; one word entered his mind, "Kefka…"

He ignored the explosion outside and walked towards through the double doors, and what welcomed him was a group of teenagers who chatting to each other until they noticed him walk in.

He stepped in front of class and introduced himself, "Sup, name's Jecht! And I'm your new soccer coach! I'm going to be honest with ya; I won't be going easy on you, wusses!"

The class then gulped nervously while others sweat bullets, already feeling what's going to happen next.

"And what exactly what are we going to do, Jecht?"

They all turned see a certain man with long blonde hair and purple eyes. The class didn't know who the man, but Jecht recognized him instantly…

"Kain! What are you doing here, buddy?"

"I saw you applying for a job here, so I decided to get one as assistant coach."

The class suddenly realized they were beyond screwed if this guy is the assistant coach.

Jecht smiled at the thought of Kain being his assistant in getting the soccer team into shape.

"Alright then, on the field, now! Ninety laps around the track field! Let's move it now, wusses! Jecht yelled.

"I expect no one to slack off in this routine now." Kain said in an authoritative voice that can send chills down anyone's spine.

The class then dashed outside the gym, and toward the track field, already starting their laps within seconds.

"Come on, now! Put your backs into it! You call that running? My great, great, great, great, great grandma can run faster than that! Move it now!"

A few students started puking after the first five minutes of 'exercise'. Jecht and Kain laughed a bit at that and told the other students to run until they puked.

They soon were told to lift heavy objects like a cinderblocks, bricks, and even I-beams, vaults, and a incinerator.

"Jecht, are you sure about this exercise?" Kain asked.

"Sure I'm sure! I'm the Invincible sir Jecht!" Jecht replied with pride in his voice.

"So, is this the only job you have?"

"Nah, me and Tif run a bar at the other side of town."

"A bar? you and Tifa?"

"Yep! How bout you?"

"I only know that Cecil runs an astronomy at the edge of town with Exdeath and Cloud of Darkness as his assistants.

Jecht's eyes bulged out when he said that.

"Don't ask, even I don't know why."

"Bartz is running an impersonation act at birthday parties."

"I'm not even surprised by that."

"Me either."

"And Zidane is...you know."

"Thieving again?"

"That and women have been saying they saw a...blonde monkey with twin blades running around the women's hot spring and changing room."

"Heh...that little bastard."

"I know something like that isn't...HEY YOU! I SAID NO SLACKING OFF, WHEELER! SAME WITH YOU ELRIC!"

Said blonde students start running again and with incinerators in tow.

'And I thought I was tough on Tidus...' Jecht thought

"Anyway, I also heard that Sephiroth has a last name."

"Really, what is it?"

Kain looks at a copy of Sephiroth's birth certificate and his eyes bulge out for a few seconds and started snickering.

"Pfft... Safer?"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SAFER! HIS NAME IS SEPHIROTH SAFER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"I know right?" Kain said before laughing alongside with Jecht.

And so begins the torturing session, courtesy of the great Jecht and Kain Highwind …

_**One hour later**_

After gym class, the class looked like they were on the verge of death. Some of them were still puking from the 'exercise' and either got sent home or to the hospital. They did not want to go to gym class ever again. They wearily got to history class and sat down in their desk, noticing the teacher wasn't here yet.

"I wonder who the history teacher is?" a random male student asked. He had silver hair, light skin, and gray eyes.

"I hope he isn't someone like Jecht or Highwind. That would make this school hell on earth." A random female student shivered at the thought. She had long red hair tied into a braid, fair skin, and black eyes.

"I doubt it's going to be that easy." Another random male student said. He had black hair, dark spiky skin, and brown eyes.

"W-what do you mean by that, Shinji?" Another random female student said. She had long dark blue hair, pale skin, and lavender eyes.

"The teacher for this class is a Mr. Safer, Hinata." Shinji replied.

"H-how is that bad, Shinji?" Hinata asked.

"Jecht and Kain wore discussing about their friends; I know that a Safer was among them."

All the students in the class paled when they learned that the teacher knows Jecht and Kain.

"D-don't be afraid everyone! I'm sure this teacher is a different Safer than the one Kain and Jecht were talking about." Another random male student said. He had blonde spiky hair, light skin, whisker like marks on his cheeks, and cerulean eyes.

"So, I see all of you have met my old friends, Jecht and Kain." A familiar voice said.

Creepy music started playing in the background as the students saw the teacher. He had all too familiar long silver hair and green cat-like eyes. He was wearing a dark long sleeved button-up shirt with a light blue tie, black pants, and black shoes. He carried an impossibly long sword, and a familiar black leather jacket.

The lyrics had started playing as soon as he approached the desk.

**Estuans interious  
>ira vehementi<br>Estuans interious  
>ira vehementi<strong>

"Hello, class. My name is-"

**Sephiroth! (X 2)**

"But call me Mr. Safer while we're on school grounds."

Black feathers then came out of nowhere. One student was in agony as one feather got in his eye while others were having heart attacks for having him as a teacher. Sephiroth paid them no heed as he continued.

"Know one thing class, I'm going to make sure this will be a school year you'll never forget. I refuse to be a memory."

**Estuans interious  
>ira vehementi<br>Estuans interious  
>ira vehementi<strong>

**Sephiroth! (X 2)**

The class suddenly realized they were beyond screwed if this guy is the history teacher. Shinji hid under his desk cursing his luck so much he didn't noticed that Sephiroth came over until, "You! What do you think you doing under there?" Shinji looked over his shoulder to see Sephiroth with a questioned look on his face.

"Nothing, sir…" he replied with a shaky voice.

"Then sit in your seat, _class_ is about to begin…" he said with a slasher/Pedo/Kefka smile on his face.

Shinji then sit in his desk and hoped the new teacher won't kill him or molest him.

"Now, then class, we will be starting on chapter twelve. I expect you to answer all the questions at the end of the chapter by the end of the week or else..." he said in a menacing voice.

The class gulped at what are the consequences might be.

"And what would the consequences be?" asked a random male student. He had blonde hair tied in a braid, and gold eyes.

"One, detention." everyone relaxed...

"Two, Expelling you." everyone tensed.

"Three, having my blade up your ass " Everyone paled.

"And Four, your head," Cue sinister and wicked smile, "In my trophy case with your ass over my fireplace and the rest of you on my plate tonight." Everyone crapped their pants or skirts in a girl's cases.

Shinji could only think of a few simple words, _'THIS IS GOING TO BE HELL…'_

* * *

><p>Back to where Kefka was,<p>

The circus was in ruins. The animals were going berserk, the circus people were in a panic, and the ringmaster was staring at Kefka with wide eyes.

"So, how was that? Did I get the job?"

The circus people were staring at him, wide eyed at the fact he wants to join, even when he demolished the place, whipped the ringmaster and circus actors several times, and burnt the animals to ashes.

"DO YOU GOT THE JOB! DO! YOU! GOT! THE! JOB?" the ringmaster yelled hysterically.

"Yes. So do I got the job?"

The circus cast expected him to be denied, but instead, "YOU…ARE…HIRED!"

Their eyes bulged out as they stared at the ringmaster thinking he had gone mad.

"With your impressive display of tricks, we are sure to give the greatest show on earth!"

Kefka cackled manically at the thought of everyone's reaction to the show, "Oh, don't worry pal. I'm going to make it a show they'll _never_ forget!"

Kefka then skipped off to get ready for the big show tomorrow, cackling all the while.

"I might as well pay a visit to my favorite weapon of mass destruction before the show." Said Kefka as he went to find Terra.

* * *

><p>That's all for this chapter! Sorry if it wasn't funny enough. Don't worry, next chapter focuses on Lightning, Cloud, Squall, and bonus: Gilgamesh. And some of the students should be people you recognize from a anime or game. Keep reviewing!<p> 


	3. Chapter 3:Employment and Chaos d1 p2

Disclaimer: I don't own Dissidia or Final Fantasy, they belong to Squareenix. If I did, I wouldn't be poor. WARNING: X-overs start on this page! I repeat; X-overs start on this page! I don't own the anime or game characters crossing over!

There's just a bunch of crack and hilarity in this story. OCS and characters from other series will appear. There will be random character bashing in the story.

"Talking"

_**"Thoughts"**_

"**SHOUTING**"

* * *

><p>Chapter 3: Employment and Chaos p2 (Lightning, Cloud, Squall, and Gilgamesh.)<p>

Cloud and Lightning Day 1: On patrol on Highway E-09. Requested as backup in pursuit of suspect, three units available are catching up with the suspect's vehicle.

The criminals were speeding down the highway at two hundred miles an hour: Lightning and Cloud were too, but were pushing three hundred.

**Unit one:**** Cloud's** **car**

"Are you sure she should be driving this fast, Strife?" Asked Akihiko as he was looked worryingly at Lightning's car and the terror on Uindo's face.

"Give him a week or two and he'll just be alright." Replied Cloud as he looked at Lightning's car and Uindo's face.

"You sure?"

"Yep..."

"Ah, okay then. Continue."

**Unit two:**** Lightning's** **car**

"**LIGHTNING! Don't you think you should drive a little slower**?" Screamed Uindo as he clung to his for dear life.

Lightning, in a police uniform, glared at Uindo before shouting, "**BULL$#%! ONLY WUSSIES DRIVE SLOW AT A CASE LIKE THIS!**" Lightning was crazily driving at the speed of light, chasing the criminals as they speed on ahead.

"**BUT**-"

"**NO BUTTS, ASSES, BUTTOCKS, TUCKUS'! YA HEAR ME, UINDO**!" She screamed as she violently swerved to avoid a black limousine.

"**YES MA'AM!**" Screamed Uindo as he looked like he was going to piss himself any second.

"**GOOD!**"

"**Lightning! Don't you think we should call back up**?"

Again, Lightning glared at Uindo while swerving violently to avoid an eighteen wheeler truck before answering, "**WE DON'T NEED THE BACKUP YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!**"

She then took out her gunblade and said, "**THIS IS THE ONLY BACKUP WE NEED!**"

"That and me!" shouted a certain someone.

A patrol car came up beside Lightning, the window rolled down revealing a man in a police uniform with blonde hair, blue eyes, a stubble beard, and black gloves. Lightning's eyes bulged out to the size of dinner plates as she looked at the man.

"SNOW?"

"Yo, sis!"

"Snow! What the hell are you doing in that car! Only Police officers can drive it!"

"I am with the law, sis!"

"EH?"

"I heard from a little birdy that you became the law and I decided to sign up too!"

"WHO WAS THAT BIRDY YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT!"

"Some guy named Squawk or something like that.."

**_'Squall! I'm going to kill you once I find you!'_**

* * *

><p>Elsewhere...<p>

Squall was stealthily sneaking through the swamp until he stopped from a safe distance from an abandon looking factory that had beefy men with guns. He then took out a communicator and talked through it.

"HQ, this Silver Lion King sir! I have located enemy HQ! I repeat, I have found enemy HQ!"

"Good work, Silver Lion! Now stay there until backup arrives!"

"No can do, sir! I don't need backup! I got backup right here!" He said, referring to his gunblade.

"Don't forget about me, kid!" Said a man in a black sneaking suit.

"Right, can't forget about you, Snake!"

"Right! We can easily demolish this place!"

"Damn straight!"

"Okay! Let's do this!" They both said simultaneously in a Jecht like way before going off and kicking the guards in the nuts.

* * *

><p>Elsewhere,<p>

"Achoo!" Jecht sneezed loudly.

"Are you catching a cold, Jecht?" Tifa asked.

"Nah, but I suddenly got the feeling...that somebody just pathetically impersonated one of my awesome catchphrases." Jecht replied

Silence for a good moment. Then the bar exploded with fury as patrons ran out and tore the city apart in anger and disbelief that someone would dare do that.

"Do they do this a lot?" Asked Laguna.

"Pretty much for the past three hours, I think," Gabranth responded.

They shrugged and ignored the entire bar's rampage.

"I wonder how the others are doing." Tifa said.

"Who knows? It's better for them to doing something than staying in the red of the boredom meter." Said Jecht.

"Speaking of red, I haven't seen Gilgamesh around." Laguna said.

"Yes, I've noticed." Gabranth said.

"Where do you think he is?"

"I don't know, Laguna, I just don't know."

"He's probably either going around causing trouble or chasing some hot girl's ass to 'stick it'." Jecht casually replied.

Silence filled the bar until...

"EVERYONE! TURN ON THE TV! NOW!" Yelled Vaan as he burst through the door with Bartz, Zidane, and Prishe in tow.

"What for?" Asked Gabranth.

"IT'S GILGAMESH!" Zidane responded.

"HE'S IN A WRESTLING MATCH!" Bartz said.

"WHAT!" Everyone exclaimed as Jecht quickly turned on the TV and switched the channel to Wrestling Mania.

* * *

><p>"Welcome to Wrestling Mania! Today we have a new challenger who is excited to kick some ass!" The announcer said.<p>

"On this side of the ring! He's big, he's tough, and can send you crying your mama! Our champion, Bully!" The announcer said as a big beefy man came out.

"On this side of the ring! He's big, he's tough, He's mysterious and can pop out of nowhere! The legendary Gilgamesh!" Gilgamesh then steps onto the ring.

"*deleted word* YEAH! I'M HERE NOW, BITCHES!" Gilgamesh said.

"Fighters, get ready!"Both fighters got ready as soon as the announcer said that.

"Ready, annnnnnd, FIGHT!" Bell rings and the fighters get it on.

**(Insert very graphic, hilarious and epic wrestling match)**

* * *

><p>Gabranth: "The violence is starting to become apparent."<p>

Vaan: "Did he just do that! Is that even legal to bring swords?"

Jecht: "I don't think so."

Tifa:"Oh! That's gonna hurt for weeks!"

Gabranth: "The brutality of all this...is it even legal?"

Kefka: "I don't care! All I know is I'm really enjoying this! Wooo hohoho!_**( AN: Kefka's laugh from FF6)**_"

Sephiroth: "Same with me."

Jecht: "Where'd you two come from?"

Sephiroth: "None of your business."

Prishe: "HOLY *deleted word*COSMOS! He's tearing the ring apart!"

Laguna: "OH MY-! DID HE JUST DO THAT WITH HIS HAND!"

Bartz: "This isn't a *deleted word*ing wrestling match anymore!"

Zidane: "This is a mother*deleted word*ing war!"

Garland: "Now that is epic..."

Jecht: "When the hell did you get here and why are you dressed like that?"

Garland was wearing a black and white suit with his greatsword and a brand new machine gun that seemed to be from a Mafia movie.

Garland" Don't ask. Trust me, you don't want to know."

Jecht:"..."

Tifa:"..."

Prishe:"..."

Vaan:"..."

Laguna:"..."

Bartz: "He's saying something to you, Jecht!"

Jecht: "What?"

* * *

><p>"I, the amazing Gilgamesh, declares this move to you, Jecht!" Gilgamesh jumps high in the air and comes down fast doing awesome poses before putting his foot out. "The Amazingly Awesome Jecht Falcon Kick Mark-12!"<p>

Gilgamesh comes down fast and kicks his opponent in the face so hard, his skull cracked and came out his head.

"Annnnnnd, We have a winner! The Amazing Gilgamesh!" The announcer said as he held up Gilgamesh's arm.

"*deleted word* YEAH! I AM THE KING, BITCHES! BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!"

* * *

><p>"Well, that was entertaining..." Sephiroth said, a sick grin on his face.<p>

"I agree!" Jecht said, a proud grin on his face.

"Is it because Gilgamesh had name a falcon kick after you?" Bartz asked, pretty skeptical about Jecht's change in attitue.

"Yep!" Jecht replied.

"..." Was the general response.

"Wooo hohoho!__ That was the best massacre I've seen all day!" Kefka said.

"I think we should ask Gilgamesh to calm down a little." Laguna said, starting to lose his lunch from the match.

"I think so, too." Bartz said.

"Well, what are we waiting for?Let's go!" Vaan said in his 'leading man' voice.

"*Sigh* Vaan, for the last time, you're not the leading man." Tifa said.

"..." Was Vaan's response before he head to the 'emo table' and sulked his troubles away.

"Anyway, Let's go see Gilgamesh!" Laguna said as he walked out of the bar with Bartz, Zidane, Sephiroth, and Prishe behind him.

"There's a 100% chance of chaos happening right?" Tifa asked.

"Yep!" Kefka, Jecht, Gabranth, and Vaan replied.

**_'This is going to crazy around here...'_** Tifa thought.

* * *

><p>That's all for this chapter! Sorry if it wasn't funny enough. And there will be a slight delay on Terra's, Yuna's, Laguna's and Golbez's job. Keep reviewing!<p> 


	4. Chapter 4:Employment and Chaos d2 p3

Disclaimer: I don't own Dissidia or Final Fantasy, they belong to SquareEnix. If I did, I wouldn't be poor. WARNING: There's just a bunch of crack and hilarity in this story. OCS and characters from other series will appear. There will be random character bashing in the story.

"Talking"

_**"Thoughts"**_

"**SHOUTING**"

* * *

><p>Chapter 4: Employment and Chaos p3 (Terra, Golbez, and Yuna.) (Bonus: Warrior)<p>

Terra was sitting quietly at a table, watching the children get their ice cream cones from the nice ice cream man, which she hired. She was completely relaxed and had absolutely no worries.

"Wooo hohoho! Terra! I've found you!" Until she heard a voice behind her. She jumped from the table and whipped around to see Kefka.

"Woo hohoho! How's my favorite weapon of mass destruction doing?"

"K-K-Kefka!" Terra screeched. Kefka skipped around Terra, who was getting up, and asked, "So this your job, eh? It seems pretty large, if you catch my drift." He said in a very Canadian-like way.

Kefka was right about Terra's job. It did seem pretty big for her, the current owner of the Moogle Plushie Emporium. When Terra had started this business, it became popular in matter of, oh say, four days. It now has Amusement Parks, Daycare/Orphanage Center, Shopping districts, and Live action plays of a Moogle's adventure (AN: The Moogles are doing their versions of the Final Fantasy series in their plays).

Terra looks at Kefka with great disdain, Kefka stops skipping for bit. Terra is confused with why Kefka stopped skipping and looks at where his line of sight is at. Terra's eyes widen when she saw what Kefka is looking at: The Moogle-land Amusement Park, filled with people left and right, which makes Kefka break a grin that threatens to break his face in half.

Terra gives a glare and said, "Kefka, don't you dare-!" Kefka ignores her and dashes off to the Amusement Park, threatening to tear it apart inside out.

"Oh sweet Cosmos no!" Said a panicked Terra as she chased after Kefka, before running into one of her employees. "Shin! You've got to help me! There's a mad man running around in the Amusement Park!"

"What! Of course I'll help, miss Terra!" The employee, Shin said. They both ran after Kefka, determine on stopping him from destroying anything.

* * *

><p>Elsewhere...<p>

Warrior had walked in Jecht and Tifa's bar with an acquaintance right beside him. Jecht and Tifa soon noticed Warrior walking into the bar and welcomed him.

"Hey Warrior!" Said Jecht.

"Welcome Warrior!" Said Tifa.

"Ah, Jecht, Tifa. Good to you." Warrior said. His acquaintance soon spoke up, "You know these two, Warrior? I didn't think someone like you knew awesome guys like them."

"Thanks for saying how awesome I am! And you are?" Jecht said as he looked at Warrior's new friend. The acquaintance of Warrior was a muscular young man, with white hair and ice blue eyes. He wore a red trench coat, wearing blackish brown pants and combat boots. He carried two pistols, one black, the other white. He also had a large claymore with a skull on the hilt and the end of the handle split and pointing outwards strapped to his back.

"Who me? Name's Dante. At your service." He replied.

"So I take it you got a job, Warrior?" Gabranth asked. Warrior nodded and said, "It is one of great importance."

Vaan came and asked, "Well, what's the job?" Dante answered, "We're Demon hunters."

"Demon hunters? Awesome!" Tidus said as he stepped in the bar. He then glared at Jecht, who merely shrugged it off.

"What the hell are you doing here, old man!" Tidus barked. Jecht replied, "I work here, squirt. In fact I own this place!"

"Ahem..." Said a pissed Tifa.

"Oh yeah, forgot. She also owns the place." Jecht said. Tifa smiled at being recognized as an owner. Tidus continued to glare at Jecht, who merely glared back. At this time, a man with short blue hair, orange sunglasses, and a strange metal cylinder on his arm walked into the bar.

"Anyways, we came to, as Dante says,'kill some time'." Warrior said, breaking up the fight between Jecht and Tidus. Jecht and Tidus stopped their fight, for the time being. At that time, the blue haired man took a seat by Gabranth, who just noticed his presence seconds later.

"And who would you be?" Gabranth asked. The man merely replied, "Just a nobody passing by." Gabranth raised an eyebrow at that, before looking back at Warrior and Dante.

"Well, time for some down time." Dante said as he took a seat near Garland, who was having a chat with a girl with white hair wearing a white and magenta futuristic outfit.

"One strawberry sundae and a mug of beer, Jecht!" Dante said. Jecht whipped up a strawberry sundae within seconds while Tifa got the beer for him. Dante started enjoying his meal with satisfaction.

"EVERYONE! TURN ON THE TV! NOW!" Yelled Kain as he burst through the door with Cecil and Firion in tow.

"What for?" Asked Vaan.

"It's Golbez! He has a program on the television!" Firion said.

"What! First Gilgamesh, now Golbez! What is the world coming to?" Jecht said as he switched the channel to Golbez' show.

* * *

><p>Elsewhere in the town,<p>

Golbez sat on a chair looking at his client. The said client was a small young fifteen year old boy with short white hair, red eyes, and pale white skin wearing a black shirt, dark blue jeans with extra pockets, and black and white shoes. He was currently having a bit of stage fight.

"Now tell me, child. Is there anything going perfectly in your life?" Golbez asked. Golbez didn't have his armor, instead he wore a classical TV host suit. The child looked at Golbez before replying, "Um, I guess..."

"You don't seem to sound like nothing is going wrong in your life." Golbez said. The boy looked at him and replied, "No, honest. Everything is alright..."

"Are you quite certain about that? It seems as though someone is forcing you to keep the truth from me. Perhaps your father is responsible for that..." Golbez said. The boy looked at Golbez, shocked that he figured it out so quickly.

"Well, I guess a few things are not so great in my life..." He said. Golbez nodded his head and said, "Good, now continue..."

* * *

><p>Back at the bar,<p>

Jecht and the other warriors from the cycle, as well as a few people watching the show on the eight flat screen TVs all over the bar, had their jaws dropped on the floor, completely shocked that Golbez has a talk show.

"Now that is surprising..." Tidus said. Everyone else nodded in agreement. Everyone kept watching Golbez' talk show as he started to get the truth out the boy.

"Is it really that surprising?" Dante asked. Warrior replied, "For them, at least."

"His dad was an alcoholic who talk him down and beat him up for a single mistake? Now that is evil." Jecht said.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU DID TO ME!" Tidus said. Jecht looked at him and said, "I didn't beat you up..."

"NOT PHYSICALLY SINCE YOU LEFT ME ON AN ISLAND FILLED WITH MUTANT MONSTERS FOR TWO DAYS WHEN YOU WERE DRUNK! AND WHEN I WAS SIX!" Tidus said.

Jecht blinked and said, "I did?"

"YES, YOU DID! AND I MANAGE TO STAY ALIVE UNTIL YOU FINALLY CAME BACK WHEN YOU WERE FINALLY SOBER!" Tidus retorted. At that time Tidus said that, Terra and her employee, Shin, walked in with a bloody pulp known as Kefka in tow. Gabranth looked away from the TV for a bit and noticed them, especially Kefka.

"Did I ask what happened to him?" Gabranth said. Shin replied, "This lunatic? Oh, we just merely pound him before he caused any damage, now if you excuse me, I have a park to look after."

And with that Shin left the bar. Gabranth looked and asked, "Who was that?" Terra replied, "My employee. Well, Employee of the month anyway..."

"So you have a job as well. Well, what is it?" Gabranth asked.

"I run the Moogle Plushie Emporium." Terra replied.

"Wait! You're the owner?" Said a surprised Yuna as she walked into the bar. Jecht and Tidus stopped their argument long enough to pay attention to Yuna.

"Yo, Yuna!" Tidus greeted.

"Yuna! How are ya!" Jecht greeted.

"I am well. How are you two?"

"Awesome!" They both replied. They turned to glare at each other seconds later.

"I take it they don't get along?" Dante said. Warrior nodded in agreement.

"So what's your job, Yuna?" Terra asked. Yuna looked at Terra and replied, "I recently obtained a job at the Moogle Plushie Emporium."

"Oh, so you're working with me!" Terra replied happily. The then started chatting as they took a seat near Vaan, who soon got up and left.

"Vaan, Where are you going?" Terra asked. Vaan turned and replied, "To my new job, of course."

"WAIT! YOU have a JOB!" Gabranth exclaimed. Vaan nodded and said, "Pretty much! And I don't want to be to late!" He soon walked out of the bar seconds later.

"Well, time was short, but we had a good time. Let's go, Warrior." Dante said. Warrior followed Dante out of the bar seconds later.

"I wonder where they're going?" Tifa asked. Garland replied, "Who knows?"

* * *

><p>Elsewhere,<p>

Warrior and Dante stood before a large tower jutting out of the ground. They both walked in and Dante said, "No doubt, you got some fun planned for me... Right Vergil?"

"Vergil, Isn't he your brother?" Warrior asked. Dante replied, "Yeah, pretty much. But he wants to kill him despite of that."

"I see..." Warrior said, deciding to keep silent for the meantime. When they both arrived at the front part of a room, the ice began to shake and a monster awakened and revealed itself to be a three headed dog. It spit large blocks of a ice at Dante and Warrior, who sliced them with ease.

_"Leave now, mortals!"_The creature yelled, _"The likes of you are forbidden in this land! You, who are powerless are not worthy to set foot here!"_

"Is that so? We might as prove our worth!" Warrior said.

"Wow, a talking mutt! You would definitely take first place in this year's dog show!" Dante joked.

_"You, a mere human, make a mockery of ME?"_Cerberus shouted enraged at his taunting. It breathed a blast of cold ice and blocked the entrance to prevent them from escaping.

Warrior looked at Cerberus blankly and replied,"We weren't even thinking about fleeing, so what's the point?"

"I think he has a block of ice for a brain!" Dante said.

"Indeed, like his mother..." Warrior joked. Dante laughed his ass off at the look on Cerberus' faces. _"I'LL KILL YOU ALL!" _Cerberus screeched as it charged towards the duo.

* * *

><p>That's all for this chapter! Sorry if it wasn't funny enough. And there will be a slight delay on Shantotto and Laguna's job. Vaan's job is next chapter. Keep reviewing!<p> 


	5. Chapter 5:Employment and Chaos d2 p4

Disclaimer: I don't own Dissidia or Final Fantasy, they belong to SquareEnix. If I did, I wouldn't be poor. WARNING: There's just a bunch of crack and hilarity in this story. OCS and characters from other series will appear. There will be random character bashing in the story.

* * *

><p>"Talking"<p>

_**"Thoughts"**_

"**SHOUTING**"

* * *

><p>Chapter 5: Employment and Chaos p4 (Shantotto, Laguna, and Vaan.)<p>

All was well as usual in Jecht's bar. Tifa was given a day off and she decided to spend it by going shopping with Terra, Yuna, and Prishe. The guy Shin, unfortunately, got dragged along against his will (Courtesy of Prishe). Jecht was having a ball at the bar. Tidus challenged him to an arm -wrestling match and Jecht won within seconds. Gilgamesh popped up out of nowhere and joined in on the fun.

"Hey Jecht! How ya doing!" Gilgamesh said. Jecht replied, "Nothing much! Saw your wrestling match! Best one I've seen in years!"

"Though he did go overkill…" Gabranth whispered to the blue haired man who was listening intently.

"I see…" The blue haired man said as he nod.

"You know, I've never asked you of your name. What is it?" Gabranth questioned.

"My name... is Ovan." he answered.

"Really! Well, thanks Jecht! I plan not to disappoint!" Gilgamesh said. The bar door opened to reveal Shin walking in.

"Hey, Shin! Whatcha doing here?" Dante asked.

"Shush! I'm hiding from Terra and the girls!" Shin said as he hastily dashed under an empty table.

"Really? What did they do that was bad?" Gabranth asked.

"You don't want to know." Shin merely replied, causing few of the men to shudder at the thought.

"Okay, we'll lay off on that. But you can relax, it's not like Terra is on a crazy search spree."

"Hope not..." Shin said.

* * *

><p>At Terra's Location,<p>

"SHIN! WHERE ARE YOU!" Terra screeched as she rip through car after car. Tifa, Prishe, and Yuna could only watch in disbelief as Terra tore apart the city in search of Shin.

"Should we stop her?" Yuna asked.

"I don't know." Tifa said.

"Well, it's better than doing nothing! We might as well!" Prishe said as she ran over to Terra. Yuna and Tifa followed suit. The result was the biggest and most deadly catfight in history.

* * *

><p>Back at the bar,<p>

"I feel a chill somewhere in the city..." Gabranth said, confusing the nearby people.

"What do ya mean?" Shin asked from under the table.

"It's probably his Judge senses tingling..." Jecht joked. Everyone of Jecht's worshipers laughed at the joke like it was riot.

"Well anyway, Shin, the table is obviously NOT going to protect you when Terra finds out you're here." Dante said.

"When I find out he's here? I don't even know him." A young voice said. The speaker was a young man with brown hair, tan skin, and blue eyes. He wore a skin tight high collar black shirt with red straps in an 'X', hakama that are dark grey at the top, with a gold heart shaped badge on it, while the rest of it is tan, a plain black wristband on his right arm, while a black, bronze, and gold armored gauntlet with hints of red on it is on his left one, and dark brown and gold armored boots.

"Not you, Terra. He means the OTHER Terra." Garland said.

"There's another Terra?" Terra questioned.

"Yeah, but this one's a girl." Gilgamesh said, alarming the male Terra.

"Wait what! Are you serious!" Terra said, alarmed by the news.

"Yeah, pretty much!" Jecht said.

"As I was saying, you should probably hide in the bedrooms in the upper floor." Gabranth said.

"Upper floor? When did Jecht get that?" Shin asked.

"A couple days ago! I saw this ad that looked promising and I jumped the gun for it!" Jecht answered. Nearly everyone sweatdropped at the answer while few laughed in amusement.

"Really Jecht? Really?" Shin lament.

'His simplicity reminds of a certain someone I know...' Ovan thought, thinking a silver haired teen in black clothing.

"Hey, I got this so some of my employees can sleep and get back to work without going home, ya know." Jecht retorted.

"And don't you have a bed to hide in?" Terra (Male one mind you) asked. Shin instantly bolted upstairs to hide in the nearest bed.

"Is a bed really going to protect him?" Gilgamesh asked.

"Unless it was Esper-proof, it will not." Jecht replied.

* * *

><p>At a random school,<p>

Shantotto waltzed through the halls, ignoring the frighten expressions of students. It had only been a good two days since Shantotto had came to this school and the students were already afraid of her. Why? Well, Shantotto had a little spree with the students.

Flashback: A two days ago...

"Um, who are you?" An unsuspecting student asked. He had a short, bowl-shaped gray hair with matching gray eyes. He wore a black blazer over a white button up shirt, black slacks, and brown shoes.

"Who're you supposed to be?" Shantotto said.

"Yu Narukami." He replied.

"Thunder God? You look more like a Blunder than Thunder." Shantotto said.

"Don't talk to him like that!" A Student said. He had brown hair, a pair of headphones around his neck, and wore the same black blazer and slacks but had white shoes on instead.

"Oh, look. A friend. Who are you supposed to be?" Shantotto asked.

"Yosuke Hanamura." He replied.

"Well, Hanamura, I really don't like it when an uneducated whelp thinks he can back talk me." Shantotto said.

"OH REALLY? Well, what are you going to do about it, shorty!" Yosuke said. BAD MOVE, BRO!

"Bitch, did you just call me short?" Shantotto in a low and deadly tone.

"So what if I did?" Yosuke retorted.

"Yosuke, I don't think that was a good idea." Yu said.

"What's the worse that could that could happen?" Yosuke asked. His funeral...

"How about a swim!?" Shantotto cried as streams of water to circle and converge on the unfortunate Yosuke.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Yosuke screeched. Everyone in the class watch in awe, fear, and surprise at Yosuke's situation.

"Practical lesson!" Shantotto cried as bolts of lightning to strike from above on Yosuke.

"Why, is something burning?" Shantotto taunted as several fireballs hit Yosuke at blinding speed, which soon followed up with an explosion that shook the entire classroom.

Current time:

"Ah, how it feels good to discipline a group of losers in to knowing their place." Shantotto said as she walked into the same classroom. Everyone in the class flinched at the sight of her.

"Alright then, loser bunches. Today we're going to learn the difference of me and you losers. I prefer that you would pay attention, IF you want last time to happen."

Everyone paled at the thought of it and brought out their notebooks instantly.

"Splendid. Now let's get to work."

* * *

><p>Elsewhere,<p>

Laguna found no sign of Gilgamesh, so he decided to go back to his job. Sitting in his comfy chair, Laguna looked at the papers of possible employees. Laguna owned a comfy daycare center just down the block from Jecht's bar.

"Hmm, let's see. Not him, too creepy. Not her, too tense. Not her, too...something." Laguna said as he looked through the papers. Then a beep came up on his cell phone. He instantly picked it up and answered.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Laguna. There's an employee here that would like to see you." His secretary said.

"Hmm, let him in." Laguna said.

"Are you sure. He's a little...startling."

"Ah, don't worry. It'll be fine." Laguna said as he hung up. He then went back to his papers for a bit. It was then five minutes later that he felt he was being watched. Uncertain, Laguna looked and got one the biggest heart attacks in a while.

"OH MY GOD!" He screeched as he looked at the man-thing in front of him. It was tall, very tall, most likely taller than a man. It was thin, real thin. It's skin was white as a sheet. It wore a black business suit as dark as the darkness itself with a matching black tie, and white shirt. The most noticeable thing about it is...that it had no face. It was literally blank. No ears, no mouth, no eyes, nothing.

Laguna stared at the creature for a little longer, before he knew what his secretary said about him being startling.

'Startling doesn't even began to describe him.' Laguna thought as he tried to get as much of his composure as he can. Taking a deep breath, he face the terrifying figure that currently sitting in a chair.

"So, what can I do for you?" Laguna asked.

* * *

><p>At the Bar,<p>

"THE FUCK! I DIDN'T LOOK BACK!" Gilgamesh screeched as he lost the game of Slender.

"Yeah, it does something like that." Dante said.

"Well, that was a major cheat." Zidane said, clutching his heart. Gilgamesh only played for like five minutes before he got killed and Zidane was scared shitless to say the least.

"Hey Zidane. Are you alright? You look pretty pale." Bartz said as he looked at his best friend.

"Y-yeah, just a little shaken is all." Zidane said as he slowly returned to normal.

"REMATCH!" Gilgamesh said.

"It's my turn." Gabranth said as he walked over to the chair.

"Go get those notes Gabranth!" Garland cheered from the back.

"Pointless, for those notes and that being will return to the Void." Exdeath said.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah whatever. It's game time!" Kefka said.

Everyone, including a few guys at the bar and Ovan, gathered around the couch and watch Gabranth play the game. When the game started, Gabranth walked through the forest for about two minutes.

"There's a note!" Tidus said as he spotted one. Gabranth walked over to said note and read it out loud.

"Don't look or it takes you." He read out. Gabranth felt creeped out from the note, but he didn't fear what it was talking about. There were things much worse than the creature lurking the woods. He knew from personal experience. The music suddenly got creepy, instantly creeping out most of the people in the bar. Expect for certain people such as Jecht, Ovan, Kain, Exdeath, Cloud of Darkness, Kefka, and Dante.

"Well, this just got creepy." Gilgamesh said.

"Oh please. We can totally overkill that guy without a problem." Jecht retorted.

"You sure? I heard there's duplicates of that thing." A young teen said. Jecht turned to the teen to see it was the same teen from Golbez's talk show.

"Oh, you're that kid from the talk show." Jecht said, though I did just said that.

"Shut the **** up, author." Jecht said, breaking the fourth wall and insulting me, DEEPLY AT THAT!

"Huh?" The teen murmured, unaware of the fourth wall as everyone, well other than Gilgamesh.

"Hey don't forget about me!" Dante said.

"Are you guys...okay?" He asked.

"Fourth wall." They both said. The teen nodded in understanding.

"SO, what were you saying about duplicates of Slender man?" Dante asked.

"Well, A man suffering because his wife had left him, found his life to be unbearable in the he moves to a cabin that his parents owned to find some peace. It was fine at first, until he started hearing noises outside of the cabin. He decides to go outside to check it out, bringing only his old flashlight. He then gets a bizarre static, so he decides to go back to his house, only to find it mysteriously barricaded. Trapped outside, he decided to roam the forest for help. He finds a cabin, in it is note written by a man named Cody. It tells the strange things that happens to him and the paranoia that he has with the forest. He then decides to go to the tunnels to find a way out. After rereading the note he found, he found a key to the tunnels and decides to go. After checking the place, he finds another note from Cody saying that he cannot find a way out and he had encountered a strange being which he described to be a tall suited man without a face and long arms." The teen started.

"Cody decided to go to the nearby mansion that he believes to have a telephone. After finding a key to the mansion, he makes his way outside the tunnels only to encounter the slender man that Cody was talking about . After leaving the tunnels, he quickly tries to reach the mansion, encountering the creature more as he goes around the forest. He finally gets to the mansion, only to find a note from Cody that there were no working phones there and trying to climb the fences were hopeless, as the slender man will always appear. Cody then decided to go to to the sawmill to find something to kill the Slender man. The man also decides to do the same. He decides to check the basement of the mansion to find a hammer. After some work, he opens a door that has a door that needs a key, which is in the house. He goes out to get it, running back to the sawmill to open the door. He then runs through its tunnels, and when he reaches the end of the tunnel, he was horror to see what he believes is the remains of Cody. He soon finds a gun in the sawmill, and goes out to kill the Slender man. After shooting Slender man a couple of times, he believes he killed him. He then leaves the forest, only to encounter multiple Slender men and die by their hands. That was basically the plot of Slender man in perfect detail." The teen finished.

"Hmm, well that's some mighty info, but the result will be the same. Total Ownage. End of topic." Jecht lament before he and Dante brofist each other.

"OH MY GOD!" Tidus, Bartz, and Zidane screeched as they held each other tightly. Gabranth quickly evaded the Slender man and ran to the nearby restroom house.

"Sweet Cosmos, he came out of nowhere!" Cecil exclaimed.

"Hmm, a coward that hides in the shadows..." Kain muttered.

"That's not scary at all..." Garland said.

"A trick like that will not capture me." Gabranth said as he walked over to the restroom house.

"I wonder why there's a house in the middle of nowhere?" Zidane wondered as he calm down a little.

"You're probably in the middle of an abandon park or something." Terra (Male one) suggested.

Probably..." Gabranth said as he walked inside.

"I wonder what this note will say." A voice said. Bartz and Zidane turned to see a young man of eighteen. His hair is black, with the sides of his head shaved and the hair at the back of his head white, and his eye color seems to be grey-blue. His attire consists of a black 3/4 length leather hooded jacket with red interior linings and the British Union flag sewn on the left arm, a gray tank top, black fingerless gloves, black faded jeans, black military boots, and a necklace reminiscent of a bone with a red jewel attached.

"Who are you?" Bartz asked.

"My name is Donte." He said.

"Well Donte, what brings you here?" Cloud asked as he walked inside.

"I was in the neighborhood and I thought I drop by." Donte answered.

"Well, that's interesting." Vaan said as he walk inside the bar clad in a black military uniform.

"Hey Vaan! Haven't see ya since yesterday!" Bartz said.

"Yeah, my job a real time spender!" Vaan said.

"Is that so? Then what is it?" Cecil asked.

"Well, I got a job in the Airforce!" Vaan said.

"WHAT!" Everyone in the bar exclaimed, looking at Vaan with wide eyes.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! How'd you get on the Airforce?" Prishe asked as she walked in, beaten and tattered with an unconscious Terra (Female one) on her shoulders. Yuna and Tifa walked in seconds later and collapsed on a nearby couch.

"What happened to you two?" Gilgamesh asked. Tidus walked over to check on Yuna.

"Terra happened. She went in a frenzy when Shin went missing." Yuna said. Jecht and Dante looked upstairs to see Shin peeking out from the door.

"Ya don't say." Dante said.

"So Vaan, you REALLY got a job at the Airforce?" Donte asked.

"Yep! it was kinda easy though..." Vaan said.

"How was it?" Bartz asked.

"Well..."

**-Flashback-**

"Hey, I'm here to apply for a job." Vaan said as he looked at the General. The General was a tall man with bulking muscles. He was wearing a dark military uniform with several badges and medals on it.

"Is that so? Well, I'll let you apply once you prove that you are worth it!" The General barked.

"Sure! Just put on a plane and I'll show you!" Vaan declared. The General then called a recruit and had him escort Vaan to a jet. Vaan jumped in to the Jet and had the engines starting.

"Here I go! Prepare to eat your words, General!" Vaan Declared as he took off.

-Minutes later-

"Mother of God..." The General said as he watched the Airforce base burn to the ground. Vaan had found an enemy airship and took it down. But unfortunately, the ship was just over the base, it crashed down, resulting in the scene the General is seeing. Vaan's jet flew down and landed safely behind the General.

"How I do sir?" Vaan asked.

**-Flashback end-**

"And that's how I got in the Airforce!"Vaan said. Everyone was silent as they stared at Vaan wide eyed in disbelief.

"If it's THAT easy, might as join." Jecht commented.

"HE. DESTROYED. A. FRICKING! AIRBASE! HOW DID HE EVEN GET IN!" Shin exclaimed as he went down the stairs.

"Oh, hey Shin." Cecil greeted.

"You know him, Cecil?" Kain questioned.

"Why yes. I meet him at Moogle Emporium." He answered, gaining surprised looks.

"What?"

"I'm surprised, that you go there of all places." Cloud said as he walked in with Lightning.

"Well, Rosa wanted to see the reenactment of our travels done by the Moogles." Cecil answered.

"Oh yeah, forgot you were whipped." Squall said as he entered via the Sky light with a man in a black sneaking suit and a blue-gray bandana.

"SQUALL!" Bartz and Zidane cried as they both attempt to tackle their 'friend' in a hug, but sadly got apprehending by the man in the black sneaking suit, who flipped Bartz and Zidane, then put them both in headlock.

"WHO ARE YOU TWO! HOW DO YOU KNOW SILVER LION! ARE YOU WORKING FOR LIQUID SNAKE! ANSWER ME! START TALKING! START TALKING! START TALKING! START TALKING! START TALKING! START TALKING! START TALKING! START TALKING! START TALKING!" He interrogated the two.

"Snake. Don't worry, those two idiots are with me." Squall said. Snake let go the two, who dropped to the ground with a loud thud.

"I see. Acquaintances of yours?" Snake questioned.

"Something like that." Squall replied.

"Hey Squall! Who's your friend?" Zidane said as he sat up, straightening his neck in the meantime.

"Snake. Solid Snake." The man replied.

"So, Snake? Where are you from?" Bartz asked as he straighten his neck.

"None of your business." He gruffly replied.

"Okay, rude much?" Zidane commented.

"So Squall, where have you been?" Prishe asked.

"Nowhere much. A couple missions for the military here and there. Don't bother asking for details."

"Right, right, top secret and all that crap."

"Precisely."

"Well, that's no fun." Vaan complained.

"Well that's life for you, so suck it up." Solid Snake lament.

"I've acquired all eight pages." Gabranth said. Everyone turned to see that he indeed get all eight pages. He recently got the last one at the three rocks.

"ALRIGHT GABRANTH!" Bartz cheered.

"Congratulations!" Firion said.

"Seems far too easy." Gabranth muttered. He turned his view to look for an exit and got something else. Slender Man. Almost everyone jumped at the sight of the figure. The screen then went white and static as Slender's face appeared on the screen. It went black for a few seconds before the static appeared again. It showed that Gabranth was still at the place he last was, but it was morning.

"Wow, talk about a surprising ending." Terra (male) said.

"Meh, there's more surprising endings." Dante commented. As if God heard, Laguna walked in.

"Hey guys!"

"Hey Uncle Laguna!" Prishe greeted.

"Laguna! I was wondering where you were." Vaan said.

"Well, I had a chat with my new friend. A little warning, he's a little surprising.

"How surprising?" Shin asked.

"Just let him in. Can't wait to meet him."

"Okay, if you say so." Laguna then walked over to the door, opened it by a crack, and said, "You can come in! They say they can't wait to meet you!"

"I wonder who the idiot is?" Squall asked no one in particular. Snake had walked over to the counter and was having a conversation with Jecht and Dante about guns. The door opened and the people who were expecting Laguna's new friend got the bomb of a lifetime.

"Guys, this is my new friend and employee of Daddy Laguna's Daycare center, Slendy." Laguna said as he introduced the tall and faceless figure. Snake, Jecht, Squall, Gabranth, Kain, Dante, and Gilgamesh stared at him with blank looks. Bartz, Zidane, Tidus, and Shin had horrified expressions. Cecil, Vaan, Prishe, Tifa, Yuna, and Firion looked like they were having heart attacks.

"Slendy, these are my friends. Be nice to them." Laguna said. 'Slendy' nodded in agreement and teleported to the nearest table and sat down. Everyone just stared in silence at Laguna.

"What?" Laguna asked.

"Laguna, you are probably the craziest guy I've ever known." Jecht said.

"What makes you say that?"

"YOU GOT FRICKING SLENDER MAN AS YOUR FRIEND **AND** EMPLOYEE! I THINK **THAT** SAID ENOUGH!" Zidane screeched.

"Hey, he's not as scary as you thought he be when you get to know him."

"Still Laguna, you could've given us a heads up." Yuna said.

"yeah, did you know how scared we all are?"

"Who's scared?" Snake questioned.

"Yeah, I honestly don't think he's even scary." Dante cut in.

"Damn straight." Jecht agreed. Slender didn't seem to mind though, seeing that he was too busy reading a novel titled 'Fear', leaving a good majority of the bar speechless.

"I didn't even know he could read." Tidus muttered in amazement.

"Hey guys! Garland said as he walked in. He looks around to see a majority of the bar frighten by something.

"What with them?" He asked Jecht. Jecht jerked his thumb to a certain table. Garland looked to see Slender reading 'Fear'.

"Oh him? Meh, he's not so bad. Hey Slender!" Garland called out to him. Slender turned from to book and to Garland, who waved. Slender then teleported next to him and before anyone knew, they shook hands like buddies, taking the same majority of the bar by surprise.

"WHAT THE?! YOU KNOW HIM!?" Prishe screeched.

"Yep! While I was kidnapping Princess Sarah, I ran into him in the forest and we talked a bit, so yeah." Garland replied as if it was nothing.

"That's...surprising..." Gabranth said.

"So, you two are close friends?" Vaan asked, still surprised that Slender of TWO people he knew.

"Pretty much. Oh yeah. Slender, Gilgamesh,do you think you guys can make it to the meeting tonight? The Boss was wondering where you two were?"

"I got nothing tonight, so yeah." Gilgamesh said as he walked out the bathroom, dress in a red suit. Slender nodded.

"Kay. Let's go!" Garland said as he walked towards the door with Slender and Gilgamesh right behind. As the two left, everyone stared at the door they walked out of, a good major was thinking one simple question.

WHAT. THE. F**K. JUST HAPPENED?

* * *

><p>That's all for this chapter! Sorry if it wasn't funny or random enough and that I was late. Did not had a lot of randomness juice for the story. And there will be more slight delays on jobs. Gilgamesh. Garland, and Slender are in the Mafia if you haven't figured it out yet. Any thoughts, opinions, and constructive criticism are welcome if you have any. Keep reviewing!<p> 


End file.
